How Well Do You Understand People? 7 Dark and Ugly Realities About Humans.

In 2022, two years after Naim began teaching himself digital marketing, an opportunity knocked on his door.

A recruiter reached out with an offer. Through the recruiter, a local marketing and PR startup was looking for a digital marketer to fill in for an internship. The role came with a fair entry-level salary. Broke, eager, and hopeful, Naim jumped at the chance. He passed the test and, a few days later, received the message that would change everything. The CEO herself had sent the news informing Naim that he was officially hired.

They met in a cozy café in Nairobi. The CEO spoke with enthusiasm, promising a bright future ahead. Naim agreed to start immediately. As they wrapped up the meeting, the CEO treated him to lunch and even gave him money for transport and internet. She assured him that a formal contract would be issued soon.

As an intern, Naim played the role of a hybrid manager overseeing client marketing assets. He would manage social media, websites, and coordinate content creation like product photoshoots. As a beginner, Naim was thrilled. This was his dream come true: working in digital marketing, the freedom to work from anywhere, and finally, a job that didn’t require exhausting commutes. For the first time, he could do what he taught himself without going to college and get paid for it.

Filled with excitement, he shared the news with his family, and friends.

The CEO was a high-ranking professional in a government corporation, a woman full of optimism, flattery, and positivity. Married with young children, she balanced her white-collar career with her thriving hotel and catering side business. Naim was her first employee, and she spoke passionately about building the agency to up to 20 million together in the first year.

On the other hand, Naim was a free spirit and open minded about life. He had no formal girlfriend, listened to outlawed music, and took no interest in building businesses other than focusing on his writing hobby.

At their second meeting, Naim signed the contract and officially joined the company. Like the first time, lunch was on her, and she handed him cash afterwards. The hybrid role included work-from-home flexibility, one weekly outdoor meetup. Internet and transport allowances became a weekly norm.

But soon, the honeymoon period faded.

After a few months, the weekly allowance stopped. One Friday, before a meeting, Naim reminded the CEO about the transport allowance. He didn’t have enough money to make it. Her response left him confused: “Eh Naim! Employers don’t normally pay for transport to work,” she said.

Naim was taken aback. Because from the beginning, she had promised to cover transport costs from the start. Eventually, she sent half the usual amount. He showed up for work, but something inside him shifted. Naim remembered that the allowances were not included in the contract. And so he never asked again, nor did he complain when they stopped altogether.

For the months that followed, his motivation dwindled. His performance suffered. Clients were lost, and projects slowed down. Naim began questioning his career in marketing. Anxiety crept in, and self-doubt emerged over whether this was the right path after all.

Communication with the CEO became strained. A project they had been working on was put on hold for two months, with promises of future continuation. Payments became irregular, and requests for clarification were met with excuses or silence. One day when Naim pressed for answers, the CEO simply told him, “You’re free to find other jobs.”

That was the breaking point. His dreams of thriving in corporate marketing felt shattered. He spiraled into anxiety but found solace in the gym and journaling every day. After a week of reflection, clarity hit. He resigned, and walked away peacefully.

Looking back, Naim’s experience was a mix of lessons and losses.

Despite the setbacks, the job expanded his network, and sharpened his skills. He also paid for his leisure activities. He learned invaluable lessons about the inner workings of marketing and the dynamics of business relationships. As he left, he knew one thing for sure. And that was: his journey in marketing wasn’t over. He would continue as a freelancer and strategist. Naim was determined to grow his career, even if it meant more stumbles along the way.

But here's a question for you: How well do you really understand people?

If you take the time to observe closely, you’ll notice patterns in human behavior that transcend culture and time. These patterns reveal both the positive and negative traits we all carry as humans. On the bright side, humans have an innate ability to collaborate and thrive in groups. We are, by nature, social beings.

But there's a darker side, too.

Everyone of us has traits like envy, laziness, conformism, and passive aggression. These are traits that can be toxic to relationships and productivity. Most of us aren’t even aware of how destructive these patterns can be. The key to thriving in any relationship or collaboration is understanding and recognizing these tendencies in both ourselves and others. This awareness allows us to navigate and diffuse negativity before it takes root.

Robert Greene, the bestselling author, calls this understanding: Social Intelligence.

Look at social intelligence as the ability to understand situations, read people and manage relationships effectively.

Ripping off from the insights in Robert Green’s bestselling book called mastery (which is a book about career development, by the way), the following is concise knowledge on how to acquire social intelligence with emphasis on the seven deadly human traits namely: envy, conformism, laziness, rigidity, self-obsessiveness, flightiness and passive aggression. 

Let us go!

1. Envy: People who praise you too much or who become overly friendly in the first stages of knowing you are often envious and are getting closer in order to hurt you. These are not my words. These were said by Robert Green.

What this means is that those who lavish you with praise or become so friendly at the beginning of a relationship may be masking envy. In the end, they are only going to hurt or disappoint you.

Envy is difficult to detect but often arises when you display greater skill than someone else. Envy can make you or others insecure. The best way to deal with envy is not to provoke it by avoiding showing off or drawing unnecessary comparisons. On your part, feel the envy but never allow it to make you feel insecure.

2. Conformism: People love to follow the crowd, whether it's politics, values, or trends. If someone around you seems to lean heavily on mainstream ideas, be cautious. Resist the urge to conform, but don’t flaunt your free spirit too openly. People tend to resent those who stray too far from the norm.

3. Rigidity: Many people stick to routines simply because they’ve always done things a certain way. Instead of trying to fight others' rigidity, focus on maintaining flexibility in your own thinking. Be the source of fresh, progressive ideas.

4. Self-obsession: People are naturally self-centered. Even when they care about others, they ultimately look out for their own interests. Understanding this reality helps you frame your requests in a way that benefits them, making collaboration smoother.

5. Laziness: Some people will always seek shortcuts, even if it means stealing your ideas. Be cautious when others want to collaborate. It could mean they’re looking for you to do the hard work. And they get all the credit.

6. Flightiness: We often believe people are rational, but emotions drive most of our actions. Don’t take promises too seriously. People can change their minds at any moment, so rely on yourself to get things done.

7. Passive Aggression: People never want to take things and situations heads on. Confrontation makes people uncomfortable, so they resort to subtle digs or delays. Recognize this behavior in those who avoid direct conversations and steer clear of their games.

There you go!

These patterns exist in all of us, and the sooner we accept this, the better we’ll be at managing our interactions. You have seen how the relationship between Naim and his boss crippled because of failure to recognize these realities. It does not have to be between a guy and woman. But in this case, each one of them carry a responsibility and share the blame. And each one of them has to realize their mistakes in the relationship and do personal work. Each one of them needs higher social intelligence.

So, start today to see people as they truly are, not as they want you to see them.

-Nick

P.S. If you loved this and know someone who might love and need it, please don’t hesitate to share. Spread the word by forwarding them this message. There needs to be more of us!